Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Stash it Away

So, my friend Jason sends out this email to all of his close friends about a month ago:


I'm attempting to bring back the mustache. I hope you will all join me. I started growing one as a silent protest to one of my superiors at work. Let's call the protest stache' a minor attempt at civil disobedience. It caught on with several of the guys I work with (and one hairy lipped woman) and now it's become quite a fashion statement. I challenge all of you to grow a mustache and groom it anyway you wish. The one rule is that it has to be natural hair. We can set a date and meet someplace for drinks, ribs, whatever and see who has the best mustache. The mustache can be judged according to the following criteria. Please feel free to add or subtract from the list.

Mustache Criteria

1. Thickness - Bare spots are unacceptable.
2. Style - Use gels and waxes for all I care. Curl it, shave the corners or grow it over your lip. Creativity is key.
3. Awesomeness - No explanation needed!

This will allow us to all get together, unless you live in Singapore, have fun, and laugh at each other. Please feel free to have anyone else join this contest. Let the criteria and debate begin.


Needless to say, I'm always up for both a challenge and on opportunity to embarrass myself. I sent a two word reply.

I'm in.

I have to tell you...it was a long month. Firstly, you're either a mustache guy, or you're not. There's no in between. Throughout the process of growing this hairy ode to Magnum P.I., I had a hard time recognizing myself in the mirror. As I'd go to brush my teeth at night, I'd look in the mirror and think, "Whoa...oh yeah, that's me."

Melissa and Jack also had pretty strong opinions about the facial hair. Melissa pretty much refused to kiss me until I shave it off. As I happen to be a big fan of the whole "kissing my wife" thing, this has been a major drawback. Jack has also made his opinion known. Randomly throughout the day, Jack will just stop what he's doing, look and me, and yell, "Shave it off!" He also told Melissa that he wanted her to put my razor in my lunchbox to that maybe I would shave it off at work.

The best part about growing it is watching the reactions of people I know who haven't seen it before. There's three basic reactions.
  1. Ignore it. This looks like its actually not that easy. I can see them look right at it and pause a bit before they start talking to me. I can tell they're thinking about it but they don't want to tell me I look like a cross between a State Trooper and their 6th grade science teacher.
  2. Deal with it head on. "So, growing a mustache, huh?" Um, no. This caterpillar just crawled onto my face last week and I haven't had time to brush it off yet.
  3. Try to raise the topic in a round about way. "So, it's been a few weeks since I've seen you, have you lost weight? No? Oh, we'll you look different."
Thankfully, today is the last day of "The Great Mustache Incident of 2009." All of the boys back home in Massachusetts are getting together for barbecue tonight to compare and make fun of each other like a bunch of 7th graders. I can't imagine what the waitress is going to think when she shows up at the table to take the order. It's going to look like an episode of Reno 911 in there. Unfortunately, I can only participate remotely from my location here on the other side of the world. I've been told they'll hang my picture on a chair so that I'm represented.

By the way, Jack decided that he'd grow one himself too.

7 comments:

Melissa said...

I hope Jack wins!

Joe said...

How is there no mention of the fact that it's red! Your recessive gene is fighting to be let out. You have a twin inside you that your body absorbed in the womb.

Joe R. said...

So do your co-workers think you are wiser?

Newby said...

I like the 'stache on Jack, but not on you! I'm with Melissa!

Deacon Frank Tremblay said...

As far as kissing a guy with a mustache I heard a female comic once describe it as:
Take a toothbrush.
Wet it.
Then stick it up your nose and rub it all around!

Gotta love it

Jeff said...

For the record, the barbecue was delicious. As was the beer. Jason ordered a pile of fried chicken on top of a belgian waffle. Only McCrevan...

Alberto & Meredith Jimeno said...

And the moustaches were TERRIBLE.